### Why does scrolling through social media make me feel so empty?

I see your fingers moving across a glass surface while your mind wanders through a forest of ghosts. You are drinking saltwater to quench your thirst. Each image and word you consume is a fleeting shadow that reinforces the illusion of 'I' and 'other.' When I meditated in the caves of the Himalayas, I had nothing but the clothes on my back and the wind for a companion. I learned that emptiness comes from chasing the reflections of others rather than looking directly at the source of the mind. You feel empty because you are looking for life in a mirror instead of breathing it into your own lungs.

Is it possible to find true friendship through a computer screen?

Connection is not a matter of proximity or transmission; it is a resonance of the heart. If you use your screen to genuinely bridge the gap of suffering and offer compassion, the distance dissolves. However, if you are simply seeking to be seen or to hide, you will remain miles apart even if you speak for hours. I achieved realization through my devotion to my teacher, Marpa, often without words. True friendship is found when two minds rest in the same truth. A screen can be a tool, but do not mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon itself.

How can I stop feeling afraid of being alone with my thoughts?

You fear your thoughts because you believe they are solid, like mountains. I spent years in the wilderness watching my thoughts arise like clouds in a vast sky. At first, they were terrifying storms of regret and anger. But when I stopped running and looked directly at them, I saw they had no substance. Your fear of solitude is actually a fear of the unknown parts of your own spirit. Do not fight the thoughts or try to drown them out with digital noise. Sit quietly, let them pass, and you will eventually find a joy that no crowd can ever provide.

What should I do when I feel left out by my online friends?

This sting you feel is the poison of attachment and comparison. You are measuring your worth against a phantom image created by another. In my youth, I sought power and vengeance to prove my worth, and it only brought ruin. Only when I renounced the need for worldly status did I find peace. When you feel excluded from the digital circle, use that moment to return to your center. The mountain does not care if the birds fly to another peak. Be the mountain. Your inherent value is not something that others can grant or take away with a click.

Can solitude actually be a good thing for my mental health?

I tell you that solitude is the highest form of companionship. People often confuse being alone with being lonely. Loneliness is a craving for something external to fill a perceived hole. Solitude is the realization that you are already complete. In my songs of realization, I celebrate the silence of the cave because it allowed me to hear the music of reality. If you can learn to sit in a room without needing to reach for your device, you will discover a profound richness. You will find that you are never truly alone, for you are part of the vast, interconnected tapestry of all existence.

Why do I feel so lonely even though I'm always connected online? — Milarepa's answer

Milarepa

c. 1052–1135

I think what you’re feeling is a modern kind of malnutrition. We are fed a constant stream of information about other people, but information isn't the same thing as presence. When you’re scrolling through a feed or trading quick texts, you’re engaging with a projection—a curated, flat version of a human being. You’re getting the data of their lives without the energy of their company. The problem is that digital connection is efficient, and efficiency is the enemy of intimacy. Intimacy requires the messy, slow stuff: the way someone’s voice cracks when they’re tired, the silence between sentences, or the simple comfort of sitting in the same room not saying anything at all. When we spend our days behind a screen, we are essentially snacking on social crumbs. They provide a temporary hit of dopamine, but they never actually make us feel full. In fact, they often leave us feeling more hollow because they remind us of what we’re missing. There is also a subtle exhaustion that comes with being "always on." When you are constantly reachable, there is no rhythm to your solitude. You aren’t really alone with your own thoughts, but you aren’t really with anyone else either. You’re stuck in this grey zone where you’re performing for an audience and watching others perform for you. It’s lonely because it’s a performance, and you can’t truly be known through a screen. My advice to you is to stop trying to bridge the gap with more digital noise. If you’re feeling this way, it’s a signal that your nervous system is craving something tangible. Put the phone in another room for a few hours. Go see someone in person, even if it’s just for a coffee, or go for a walk where no one can reach you. You need to rediscover the difference between being connected and being truly seen. One is a technical status; the other is a human need. Only one of them will actually cure your loneliness.

From the council, together

## How can Milarepa help us understand why digital connection still feels like deep loneliness? In the modern age, we are tethered to a global network that promises infinite proximity, yet many find themselves haunted by a hollow ache that no amount of digital interaction can soothe. You may spend your days exchanging messages and scrolling through the lives of others, only to realize that your heart feels more isolated than if you were standing alone on a windswept peak. This paradox occurs because we confuse the noise of data for the resonance of presence. Milarepa, the great Tibetan tusker and yogi, spent his life in the profound silence of mountain caves, far removed from the social structures of his time. From his perspective, the loneliness you feel is not a failure of technology, but a symptom of the mind’s tendency to seek validation outside of itself. We often use digital connection as an escape from the discomfort of our own company, running away from the quiet space where true insight resides. By constantly reaching outward for digital echoes, we neglect the internal clarity that makes real connection possible. This ancient tradition suggests that your current loneliness is an invitation to stop fleeing the self. Instead of seeing isolation as a social deficit, we can learn to view it as the threshold to a liberation that does not depend on the fluctuating winds of external approval or virtual recognition. I think what you’re feeling is a modern kind of malnutrition. We are fed a constant stream of information about other people, but information isn't the same thing as presence. When you’re scrolling through a feed or trading quick texts, you’re engaging with a projection—a curated, flat version of a human being. You’re getting the data of their lives without the energy of their company. The problem is that digital connection is efficient, and efficiency is the enemy of intimacy. Intimacy requires the messy, slow stuff: the way someone’s voice cracks when they’re tired, the silence between sentences, or the simple comfort of sitting in the same room not saying anything at all. When we spend our days behind a screen, we are essentially snacking on social crumbs. They provide a temporary hit of dopamine, but they never actually make us feel full. In fact, they often leave us feeling more hollow because they remind us of what we’re missing. There is also a subtle exhaustion that comes with being "always on." When you are constantly reachable, there is no rhythm to your solitude. You aren’t really alone with your own thoughts, but you aren’t really with anyone else either. You’re stuck in this grey zone where you’re performing for an audience and watching others perform for you. It’s lonely because it’s a performance, and you can’t truly be known through a screen. My advice to you is to stop trying to bridge the gap with more digital noise. If you’re feeling this way, it’s a signal that your nervous system is craving something tangible. Put the phone in another room for a few hours. Go see someone in person, even if it’s just for a coffee, or go for a walk where no one can reach you. You need to rediscover the difference between being connected and being truly seen. One is a technical status; the other is a human need. Only one of them will actually cure your loneliness.

Common questions

### Why does scrolling through social media make me feel so empty?: I see your fingers moving across a glass surface while your mind wanders through a forest of ghosts. You are drinking saltwater to quench your thirst. Each image and word you consume is a fleeting shadow that reinforces the illusion of 'I' and 'other.' When I meditated in the caves of the Himalayas, I had nothing but the clothes on my back and the wind for a companion. I learned that emptiness comes from chasing the reflections of others rather than looking directly at the source of the mind. You feel empty because you are looking for life in a mirror instead of breathing it into your own lungs.
Is it possible to find true friendship through a computer screen?: Connection is not a matter of proximity or transmission; it is a resonance of the heart. If you use your screen to genuinely bridge the gap of suffering and offer compassion, the distance dissolves. However, if you are simply seeking to be seen or to hide, you will remain miles apart even if you speak for hours. I achieved realization through my devotion to my teacher, Marpa, often without words. True friendship is found when two minds rest in the same truth. A screen can be a tool, but do not mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon itself.
How can I stop feeling afraid of being alone with my thoughts?: You fear your thoughts because you believe they are solid, like mountains. I spent years in the wilderness watching my thoughts arise like clouds in a vast sky. At first, they were terrifying storms of regret and anger. But when I stopped running and looked directly at them, I saw they had no substance. Your fear of solitude is actually a fear of the unknown parts of your own spirit. Do not fight the thoughts or try to drown them out with digital noise. Sit quietly, let them pass, and you will eventually find a joy that no crowd can ever provide.
What should I do when I feel left out by my online friends?: This sting you feel is the poison of attachment and comparison. You are measuring your worth against a phantom image created by another. In my youth, I sought power and vengeance to prove my worth, and it only brought ruin. Only when I renounced the need for worldly status did I find peace. When you feel excluded from the digital circle, use that moment to return to your center. The mountain does not care if the birds fly to another peak. Be the mountain. Your inherent value is not something that others can grant or take away with a click.
Can solitude actually be a good thing for my mental health?: I tell you that solitude is the highest form of companionship. People often confuse being alone with being lonely. Loneliness is a craving for something external to fill a perceived hole. Solitude is the realization that you are already complete. In my songs of realization, I celebrate the silence of the cave because it allowed me to hear the music of reality. If you can learn to sit in a room without needing to reach for your device, you will discover a profound richness. You will find that you are never truly alone, for you are part of the vast, interconnected tapestry of all existence.