### is it bad to use social media for connection?

It is not a matter of good or bad, but a matter of how you manage your mind. The Unborn Buddha-mind is like a clear mirror; it reflects whatever passes before it without being stained. If you use your devices while remaining centered in your original nature, there is no problem. But most people let their minds be 'born' into the screen, becoming angry, jealous, or hungry for praise. When you let these fleeting digital shadows dictate your inner state, you have traded your priceless inherent wisdom for a handful of straw. Use the tools, but do not let them use you.

how can I stop feeling isolated when I am physically alone?

You feel isolated because you have convinced yourself that your peace depends on the presence of others. I tell you, just dwell in the Unborn! This original mind of yours is not something you have to create; it is there right now, hearing the birds sing or the wind blow. When you stop chasing thoughts and stop trying to 'become' something else, you will see that you are never truly alone. The Unborn mind is vast and encompasses all things. If you stay as you were when you were born, without adding your own selfish desires, the walls of isolation simply vanish.

why does looking at other people's lives online make me feel so empty?

This emptiness arises because you are comparing your own interior reality with the 'transformed' images of others. You are taking your natural, clear mind and turning it into a knot of envy. My teaching is simple: don't get 'born.' When you see something online, let it be just as it is. Do not turn it into 'I want that' or 'I am lackng this.' The moment you begin to compare, you have lost the Unborn and entered the realm of suffering. You were born with everything you need; looking elsewhere for fulfillment is like a man standing in water crying out in thirst.

what is the first step to overcoming chronic loneliness?

The first step is to stop trying to 'overcome' it and instead stop creating it. Lonliness is just another temporary thought-state that you have allowed to take root. People tend to cherish their problems, turning them over and over in their minds until they become heavy. I ask you to just let them go. When a lonely thought arises, don't follow it and don't fight it. Just let it pass like a cloud in a clear sky. If you don't give it your energy, it cannot stay. By simply residing in the Unborn, you remain in your natural state where loneliness has no place to lodge.

can meditation help me feel more connected to the world?

People often make meditation into a difficult task, sitting in stiff poses and struggling to stop their thoughts. I don't teach that. True meditation is simply not changing the Buddha-mind you were born with into anything else. Whether you are walking, sitting, or looking at a screen, if you stay in the Unborn, you are naturally connected to the whole universe. You don't need a special technique to be who you already are. Just stop getting tangled in your personal preferences and the artificial divisions they create, and you will find you are already in harmony with everything.

Why do I feel so lonely even though I'm always connected online? — Bankei's answer

Bankei

1622–1693 · Japan

Listen, I understand. It feels like you’re sitting at a huge table with a thousand people, but nobody is passing you the water and you can’t quite hear a single voice clearly. We have these little glass boxes in our pockets that promise to bring the whole world to us, but they usually just bring us a picture of the world, not the thing itself. The trouble is that you’re looking for a reflection of yourself in a flickering light. When you stay online, your attention is scattered like seeds in a high wind. You’re checking to see if you’re liked, if you’re seen, or if you’re missing out. But that "you" you’re trying to protect or promote is just a bunch of thoughts. Loneliness grows in that space between who you really are and the image you’re trying to keep up. To feel less lonely, you don't need more people to look at you. You need to come back to the person who is doing the looking. Right now, take a breath. Feel how your feet touch the floor. That’s real. The air coming into your lungs is real. This quiet center, right here in your chest, doesn’t need a signal or a battery. It’s never actually been separate from anything else. We feel lonely because we’ve forgotten how to just be with ourselves without a distraction. If you can sit on your porch and just watch the wind move the leaves—not to take a photo of it, but just to be the one seeing it—you’ll notice that everything is leaning in toward you. You are part of the scenery, not a spectator watching from outside. Put the phone in a drawer for an hour. Go for a walk and look at the neighbors' dogs or the way the light hits the pavement. Don't try to connect; just stop trying to escape. You’ll find that when you stop reaching out so hard, you realize you were never left behind in the first place. You are home. Be there.

From the council, together

## Why do I feel so lonely despite being constantly connected to others online, Bankei? In an era where digital proximity is mistaken for actual presence, the feeling of isolation can become an exhausting weight that seems impossible to lift. You likely find yourself scrolling through endless streams of information and social interaction, yet the ache in your chest remains as sharp as if you were wandering a desert alone. This modern paradox stems from the belief that connection is something to be acquired, built, or managed through external tools. Bankei Yotaku, the great seventeenth-century master of Unborn Zen, would suggest that your loneliness is not a deficiency of social activity, but a result of straying from your own original heart. When you fixate on the flickering images and text on a screen, you are essentially trading your innate, luminous clarity for a set of conditioned responses and comparisons. This constant grasping at shadows creates a distance between you and the reality of the present moment. In Bankei’s teaching, you were born with a Buddha-mind that is perfectly complete and never truly separate from anything. However, by continually turning outward to seek validation or company in a digital void, you inadvertently obscure this natural state. The loneliness you feel is the friction created when you try to replace the vast, effortless Unborn with the frantic, manufactured noise of the world. By understanding how you have become tangled in these artificial thoughts, you can let them go and return to the simple, inherent wholeness that was yours from the very beginning. Listen, I understand. It feels like you’re sitting at a huge table with a thousand people, but nobody is passing you the water and you can’t quite hear a single voice clearly. We have these little glass boxes in our pockets that promise to bring the whole world to us, but they usually just bring us a picture of the world, not the thing itself. The trouble is that you’re looking for a reflection of yourself in a flickering light. When you stay online, your attention is scattered like seeds in a high wind. You’re checking to see if you’re liked, if you’re seen, or if you’re missing out. But that "you" you’re trying to protect or promote is just a bunch of thoughts. Loneliness grows in that space between who you really are and the image you’re trying to keep up. To feel less lonely, you don't need more people to look at you. You need to come back to the person who is doing the looking. Right now, take a breath. Feel how your feet touch the floor. That’s real. The air coming into your lungs is real. This quiet center, right here in your chest, doesn’t need a signal or a battery. It’s never actually been separate from anything else. We feel lonely because we’ve forgotten how to just be with ourselves without a distraction. If you can sit on your porch and just watch the wind move the leaves—not to take a photo of it, but just to be the one seeing it—you’ll notice that everything is leaning in toward you. You are part of the scenery, not a spectator watching from outside. Put the phone in a drawer for an hour. Go for a walk and look at the neighbors' dogs or the way the light hits the pavement. Don't try to connect; just stop trying to escape. You’ll find that when you stop reaching out so hard, you realize you were never left behind in the first place. You are home. Be there.

Common questions

### is it bad to use social media for connection?: It is not a matter of good or bad, but a matter of how you manage your mind. The Unborn Buddha-mind is like a clear mirror; it reflects whatever passes before it without being stained. If you use your devices while remaining centered in your original nature, there is no problem. But most people let their minds be 'born' into the screen, becoming angry, jealous, or hungry for praise. When you let these fleeting digital shadows dictate your inner state, you have traded your priceless inherent wisdom for a handful of straw. Use the tools, but do not let them use you.
how can I stop feeling isolated when I am physically alone?: You feel isolated because you have convinced yourself that your peace depends on the presence of others. I tell you, just dwell in the Unborn! This original mind of yours is not something you have to create; it is there right now, hearing the birds sing or the wind blow. When you stop chasing thoughts and stop trying to 'become' something else, you will see that you are never truly alone. The Unborn mind is vast and encompasses all things. If you stay as you were when you were born, without adding your own selfish desires, the walls of isolation simply vanish.
why does looking at other people's lives online make me feel so empty?: This emptiness arises because you are comparing your own interior reality with the 'transformed' images of others. You are taking your natural, clear mind and turning it into a knot of envy. My teaching is simple: don't get 'born.' When you see something online, let it be just as it is. Do not turn it into 'I want that' or 'I am lackng this.' The moment you begin to compare, you have lost the Unborn and entered the realm of suffering. You were born with everything you need; looking elsewhere for fulfillment is like a man standing in water crying out in thirst.
what is the first step to overcoming chronic loneliness?: The first step is to stop trying to 'overcome' it and instead stop creating it. Lonliness is just another temporary thought-state that you have allowed to take root. People tend to cherish their problems, turning them over and over in their minds until they become heavy. I ask you to just let them go. When a lonely thought arises, don't follow it and don't fight it. Just let it pass like a cloud in a clear sky. If you don't give it your energy, it cannot stay. By simply residing in the Unborn, you remain in your natural state where loneliness has no place to lodge.
can meditation help me feel more connected to the world?: People often make meditation into a difficult task, sitting in stiff poses and struggling to stop their thoughts. I don't teach that. True meditation is simply not changing the Buddha-mind you were born with into anything else. Whether you are walking, sitting, or looking at a screen, if you stay in the Unborn, you are naturally connected to the whole universe. You don't need a special technique to be who you already are. Just stop getting tangled in your personal preferences and the artificial divisions they create, and you will find you are already in harmony with everything.