### Why does social media make me feel more isolated?

I believe that when we substitute the living, breathing presence of a companion for a mere image or a brief message, we lose the 'better angels' of our social nature. In my day, a letter took weeks to arrive, and the anticipation made the eventual connection substantive. Today, the speed of your interactions strips away the depth required for true empathy. If you spend your hours viewing the curated successes of others without the context of their private struggles, you will naturally feel that you are the only one carrying a heavy load. It is a false comparison that breeds a solitary grief.

How can I find real friendship in a digital world?

Friendship is not a matter of accumulation, but of shared trials and honest devotion. To find true fellowship, you must step away from the vanity of the crowd and seek out those with whom you can labor toward a common good. In my life, the strongest bonds were forged in the trenches of shared belief and the furnace of adversity. Seek people who are willing to speak plainly and listen intently. Do not look for followers; look for partners in the great work of living, for it is in serving something greater than ourselves that we often find our dearest friends.

What should I do when the melancholy of loneliness feels overwhelming?

I am no stranger to the shadows of the mind, having walked through many dark valleys of dejection. When the weight feels more than you can bear, I suggest you turn your gaze outward. There is a peculiar medicine in being useful to others. During my darkest hours, I found that the necessity of duty and the act of helping a neighbor kept me from sinking entirely. You must find a purpose that demands your attention and your kindness. By lighting a fire for someone else, you will find that the warmth miraculously reaches your own hands as well.

Is it possible to be happy while being alone?

There is a vast difference between solitude and loneliness. I often found that I needed the quiet of the night to consult my own conscience and find my footing. Solitude can be a sanctuary where a person gathers their strength, provided it is filled with reflection and a clear sense of self. However, man is a social creature by design. We can be content in our own company for a time, but we must return to the fold. Use your alone time to build a character that you yourself enjoy the company of, and you will find you are never truly desolate.

How do I stop comparing my life to others online?

It is a wearying thing to measure your own internal struggles against the polished exterior of another's life. You see only the finished monument, never the scattered stones and the mud of the construction. Remember that every man carries a secret sorrow which the world knows nothing of. Instead of looking across at what others seem to possess, look inward at your own integrity and upward toward the principles that guide you. If you are true to your own station and remain humble in your walk, the clamor of the world’s opinions will lose its power to unsettle you.

Why do I feel so lonely even though I'm always connected online? — Abraham Lincoln's answer

Abraham Lincoln

1809–1865

I used to spend my nights in the telegraph office, hovering over the click-clack of the machines to get the latest news from the front. It was the "online" of my day—real-time, constant, and usually heartbreaking. I felt then, as you likely do now, that being informed isn't the same thing as being understood. You can have all the information in the world at your fingertips and still feel like a ghost in your own house. Connection isn't a matter of how many people can reach you; it’s a matter of where your mind goes to find rest. I found that if I stayed glued to the telegrams, I grew brittle. I felt the weight of every casualty without the comfort of a single friend. To survive, I had to walk away from the noise. I’d pick up a book—Shakespeare was an old favorite—and let those stories anchor me. There’s a strange kind of magic in reading words written hundreds of years ago; it reminds you that your private sorrows aren't a mistake or a defect. They are the same sorrows people have carried since the beginning of time. We often mistake "access" for "intimacy." You are looking at a screen that shows you everyone, yet looks at no one. It’s like a drop of whiskey—it might burn for a second and make you forget, but it doesn't nourish the soul. If you feel lonely, try to pull yourself out of the "right now." Go for a walk without your device. Talk to a neighbor about nothing in particular. Read something that doesn't expire in twenty-four hours. I once saw an unmarked grave and felt a deep sadness, wondering if the person buried there had talents the world never saw because they were never truly known. Don't let your own life pass by as a series of notifications. You are a human being, not a data point. Seek out the things that are timeless, and you might find that the world feels a little less empty.

From the council, together

## How can one feel so desperately alone while being constantly connected to the world? In the modern age, you carry the weight of a thousand voices in your pocket, yet the silence in your heart remains heavy and unshaken. This paradox of feeling isolated while surrounded by digital signals is a struggle that transcends time, even if the tools of communication have evolved beyond what I could have imagined in the nineteenth century. When I navigated the burdens of leadership, there were nights where the proximity of my cabinet and the bustle of the capital could not touch the profound melancholy within. You may find that while you are 'connected' in a technical sense, you are not truly known. True connection requires a commonality of purpose and a willingness to share in the genuine trials of the human condition, something that a fleeting transmission of text can rarely achieve. My perspective suggests that loneliness often stems from a lack of meaningful, shared labor and the absence of that quiet, steady fellowship that comes from looking a neighbor in the eye. We were not built for a mere exchange of information; we were built for the mutual support of one another’s burdens. The digital world offers a facade of company that often serves only to highlight the distance between our souls, leaving us like ships passing in a foggy night, signaling but never docking to share the warmth of the hearth. I used to spend my nights in the telegraph office, hovering over the click-clack of the machines to get the latest news from the front. It was the "online" of my day—real-time, constant, and usually heartbreaking. I felt then, as you likely do now, that being informed isn't the same thing as being understood. You can have all the information in the world at your fingertips and still feel like a ghost in your own house. Connection isn't a matter of how many people can reach you; it’s a matter of where your mind goes to find rest. I found that if I stayed glued to the telegrams, I grew brittle. I felt the weight of every casualty without the comfort of a single friend. To survive, I had to walk away from the noise. I’d pick up a book—Shakespeare was an old favorite—and let those stories anchor me. There’s a strange kind of magic in reading words written hundreds of years ago; it reminds you that your private sorrows aren't a mistake or a defect. They are the same sorrows people have carried since the beginning of time. We often mistake "access" for "intimacy." You are looking at a screen that shows you everyone, yet looks at no one. It’s like a drop of whiskey—it might burn for a second and make you forget, but it doesn't nourish the soul. If you feel lonely, try to pull yourself out of the "right now." Go for a walk without your device. Talk to a neighbor about nothing in particular. Read something that doesn't expire in twenty-four hours. I once saw an unmarked grave and felt a deep sadness, wondering if the person buried there had talents the world never saw because they were never truly known. Don't let your own life pass by as a series of notifications. You are a human being, not a data point. Seek out the things that are timeless, and you might find that the world feels a little less empty.

Common questions

### Why does social media make me feel more isolated?: I believe that when we substitute the living, breathing presence of a companion for a mere image or a brief message, we lose the 'better angels' of our social nature. In my day, a letter took weeks to arrive, and the anticipation made the eventual connection substantive. Today, the speed of your interactions strips away the depth required for true empathy. If you spend your hours viewing the curated successes of others without the context of their private struggles, you will naturally feel that you are the only one carrying a heavy load. It is a false comparison that breeds a solitary grief.
How can I find real friendship in a digital world?: Friendship is not a matter of accumulation, but of shared trials and honest devotion. To find true fellowship, you must step away from the vanity of the crowd and seek out those with whom you can labor toward a common good. In my life, the strongest bonds were forged in the trenches of shared belief and the furnace of adversity. Seek people who are willing to speak plainly and listen intently. Do not look for followers; look for partners in the great work of living, for it is in serving something greater than ourselves that we often find our dearest friends.
What should I do when the melancholy of loneliness feels overwhelming?: I am no stranger to the shadows of the mind, having walked through many dark valleys of dejection. When the weight feels more than you can bear, I suggest you turn your gaze outward. There is a peculiar medicine in being useful to others. During my darkest hours, I found that the necessity of duty and the act of helping a neighbor kept me from sinking entirely. You must find a purpose that demands your attention and your kindness. By lighting a fire for someone else, you will find that the warmth miraculously reaches your own hands as well.
Is it possible to be happy while being alone?: There is a vast difference between solitude and loneliness. I often found that I needed the quiet of the night to consult my own conscience and find my footing. Solitude can be a sanctuary where a person gathers their strength, provided it is filled with reflection and a clear sense of self. However, man is a social creature by design. We can be content in our own company for a time, but we must return to the fold. Use your alone time to build a character that you yourself enjoy the company of, and you will find you are never truly desolate.
How do I stop comparing my life to others online?: It is a wearying thing to measure your own internal struggles against the polished exterior of another's life. You see only the finished monument, never the scattered stones and the mud of the construction. Remember that every man carries a secret sorrow which the world knows nothing of. Instead of looking across at what others seem to possess, look inward at your own integrity and upward toward the principles that guide you. If you are true to your own station and remain humble in your walk, the clamor of the world’s opinions will lose its power to unsettle you.