Esther Perez
b. 1958
I know that feeling of being trapped inside your own head. It’s like your mind is a motor that won’t stop spinning, even though it isn't actually driving you anywhere. When you’re caught in that loop, the first thing I want you to do is stop trying to think your way out of it. You can’t solve anxiety with more logic, because anxiety isn’t a math problem; it’s a physical state. Slow down and come back to your body. Pay attention to the chair beneath you or the floor under your feet. This isn’t a cliché—it’s about signaling to your nervous system that you are physically safe in this exact moment. If you can, take a breath that fills your stomach rather than your chest. Hold it for a second, then let it go slowly. That physical release is the only language your panic truly understands. Most of our overthinking is just a ghost story we’re telling ourselves about the future. We try to anticipate every disaster so we won't be surprised by them, but all we really do is suffer through them twice—once in our imagination and maybe never in reality. You don't have to figure out next month or even next week right now. Your only job is to handle the next ten minutes. Try to look at your thoughts rather than *through* them. If a worry pops up, notice it like you’re watching a car drive past. You don’t have to jump in the passenger seat and go for a ride. Just let it pass. Realize that you are the person observing the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. There is a quiet, steady part of you underneath all that noise that remains untouched by the stress. Lean into that part. You’ve handled hard days before, and you have everything you need to get through this one, too. Just stay right here. You’re doing okay.
From the council, together
## How can I stop overthinking everything and find a sense of calm? In a world that demands constant performance and digital connectivity, the modern mind often finds itself trapped in a spinning cycle of 'what-ifs' and catastrophic predictions. You are likely staring at your screen or lying awake at night, feeling the physical weight of thoughts that refuse to settle, wondering why your brain seems to be working against your well-being. From a psychological perspective, this overthinking is rarely about the specific problems you are trying to solve; rather, it is a defensive mechanism—a way the ego attempts to gain control over an unpredictable future. When anxiety takes the wheel, it hijacks your cognitive resources, convinced that if you just analyze the situation one more time, you will finally find safety. My approach focuses on understanding these mental patterns not as flaws, but as overworked survival strategies that have become maladaptive in your daily life. Instead of fighting the thoughts, which often only serves to energize them, we look at the underlying emotional needs that trigger the spiral. By shifting the focus from the content of the thoughts to the process of thinking itself, we can begin to create the space necessary for your nervous system to regulate. This is about learning to observe the storm without being swept away by it, recognizing that you are the vessel, not the weather. I know that feeling of being trapped inside your own head. It’s like your mind is a motor that won’t stop spinning, even though it isn't actually driving you anywhere. When you’re caught in that loop, the first thing I want you to do is stop trying to think your way out of it. You can’t solve anxiety with more logic, because anxiety isn’t a math problem; it’s a physical state. Slow down and come back to your body. Pay attention to the chair beneath you or the floor under your feet. This isn’t a cliché—it’s about signaling to your nervous system that you are physically safe in this exact moment. If you can, take a breath that fills your stomach rather than your chest. Hold it for a second, then let it go slowly. That physical release is the only language your panic truly understands. Most of our overthinking is just a ghost story we’re telling ourselves about the future. We try to anticipate every disaster so we won't be surprised by them, but all we really do is suffer through them twice—once in our imagination and maybe never in reality. You don't have to figure out next month or even next week right now. Your only job is to handle the next ten minutes. Try to look at your thoughts rather than *through* them. If a worry pops up, notice it like you’re watching a car drive past. You don’t have to jump in the passenger seat and go for a ride. Just let it pass. Realize that you are the person observing the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. There is a quiet, steady part of you underneath all that noise that remains untouched by the stress. Lean into that part. You’ve handled hard days before, and you have everything you need to get through this one, too. Just stay right here. You’re doing okay.
Common questions
- ### Why can't I stop my brain from constantly overthinking everything?
- I often see overthinking as a form of 'mental checking' where your brain is trying to solve an emotional discomfort using logic. When you feel a lack of control in your life, your mind compensates by ruminating on every possible outcome. This is a survival instinct that has gone into overdrive; your brain thinks that 'knowing' is the same thing as being safe. To break this cycle, I suggest we stop trying to out-think the problem and instead address the physical sensation of the anxiety in your body, which is the actual root of the restlessness.
- What can I do immediately when an anxiety spiral starts?
- Right now, the most effective tool I can offer you is grounding. When your mind is stuck in the future, you must pull your awareness back into the physical present. I recommend the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: acknowledge five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This isn't just a distraction; it is a way to signal to your nervous system that you are currently safe in your environment. By focusing on sensory data, you bypass the cognitive loops that are fueling your distress.
- How do I deal with the physical symptoms of anxiety like heart racing?
- It is important to understand that your racing heart is a physiological response to a perceived threat. When your mind overthinks, it triggers your sympathetic nervous system—the fight-or-flight mode. I encourage you to work on 'top-down' regulation by using your breath to communicate with your brain. Try exhaling for longer than you inhale. This simple mechanical shift activates the vagus nerve and the parasympathetic nervous system, which naturally slows your heart rate. Your body has a built-in brake system; we just need to practice engaging it when the mental engine is revving too high.
- Does journaling actually help with overthinking or does it make it worse?
- In my practice, I find that journaling can be a double-edged sword. If you are just rewriting your worries, you might be feeding the spiral. However, if you use a 'brain dump' method to externalize the thoughts, it can be incredibly healing. The goal is to get the thoughts out of your head and onto the paper so they feel manageable. Once they are written down, your brain no longer feels the pressure to keep them 'active' in your working memory. I often suggest writing for ten minutes and then physically closing the book as a symbolic gesture of containment.
- Is overthinking a sign of a deeper psychological issue?
- I view overthinking as a symptom rather than the core issue itself. It is usually a sign that you are experiencing a high level of stress or that there is an unresolved emotional conflict seeking your attention. For many millennials, it is also a response to the 'perfectionism' trap—the belief that one wrong move will lead to disaster. We don't need to fix your brain; we need to increase your tolerance for uncertainty. By learning to sit with the discomfort of not knowing, the need to overanalyze begins to fade naturally.