Dr. Benjamin Spock
1903–1998
You might be feeling a bit squeezed, maybe even by the people who care about you the most. It's completely normal to want to explore and try things on your own. When I talk with parents, I explain that when young people look for more freedom, it's not a sign they're trying to cause trouble. Instead, it shows they're doing well and growing. You're not being difficult on purpose; you're just learning to be you. My suggestion is to begin with the small, everyday parts of your life. You don't need to make a big announcement. Just start by taking charge of your own mornings or choosing your own outfits with a little quiet self-assurance. When you show that you can handle the small things – like being on time for a meal or finishing a task without being asked – the people around you begin to feel more at ease. They won't feel like they need to watch over you so closely. Becoming independent isn't something you demand right away; it's something that develops over time, like breaking in a comfortable pair of shoes. Trust your own natural rhythm, and try to be understanding with those who are still getting used to letting go a bit.
Maria Montessori
1870–1952
Becoming independent isn't something someone just gives you. It's something you earn by actively doing things yourself. Think about a little kid trying to button their shirt. They aren't trying to be as fast as you, they just want to figure out how to make their own fingers work. You need to be just as patient with yourself. Set up your surroundings so they help you, not the other way around. If you want to be free, you need to be able to take care of your own needs. This means pouring a glass of water without making a mess, cleaning up your own space, or sorting out your thoughts like you might sort blocks by size. Try not to ask for help with something you can actually do yourself. Every time someone helps you with something you could have done, it actually holds you back from learning. Real self-respect comes from being able to do things smoothly and from working hard. Take a step back and watch yourself. See what you're capable of, and then act with a calm focus. You know that relying on others too much limits what you can do.
Pope Francis
b. 1936
It's totally understandable that you want to spread your wings and try new things. That feeling of wanting to grow is a really good thing. But don't forget the people who are important to you. Sometimes we think being independent means being totally by yourself, but real freedom comes from how we connect with each other. Start by doing little things to help out at home. When we step up to help with what others need – maybe helping a parent who's tired or being there for a sibling who feels alone – we show ourselves and them that we can handle things. Independence isn't something that just happens all of a sudden. It's more like building trust, piece by piece, every day. Be patient with your family and with yourself. Think about how Jesus, when he was young, grew up strong and kind with Mary and Joseph. Just ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit to help you know what to do, and remember that you're always supported.
From the council, together
It's like we hear a truth that everyone agrees on: being independent isn't something you grab or get permission for. It's more about quietly winning over your own abilities inside yourself. We see that real freedom is built little by little, in those normal, everyday moments – like picking out a piece of fruit, doing up a button, or cleaning up a spilled drink. It's a gradual process of taking on responsibility, where we learn that every time someone else steps in to do something for us that we could do ourselves, it actually gets in the way of us growing and becoming who we're meant to be. We discover that the more we handle what we need in our own lives and help out in our community, the more the world naturally makes space for us. We don't have to demand our independence; we show it through the importance we place on what we do and the carefulness of our decisions. To follow this path, we need to turn our urges into actions and our offers of help into sharing knowledge. We come to understand that real strength isn't found when you're all by yourself, but in the calm certainty that you can handle your own burdens.